Losing Gracie & Elvis

As an animal communicator, one of the things I do is talk to pets on the other side. They often bring up the way they crossed, often to tell their owners they made the right decision. I know as soon as they are out of the body & in heaven they are in pure joy and out of pain. They also can reincarnate back to you in a new body. Cats especially like to do this, they hate being sick.

When my cat Spike disappeared at 15, I looked for him. He contacted me, the next day. He said that he would have liked to have died at home, but he couldn’t. He knew I never let anyone die. He went thru my current pets, sharing how each one had gotten sick but I had ripped them from the jaws of death and kept them living. Spike wanted to cross, and didn’t want me to guilt him into staying alive. I had to admit he was right. I would have.

I came home one afternoon to find blood on the carpet, dark not fresh. I thought it was from my cat, Elvis who was sick, but it was from my dog, Gracie. Early the next morning, she passed blood clots. I sat with her until 7 am, when we went to the vet. It was a nightmare. She started passing fresh blood while the Vet was trying to talk me into having her tested for Valley Fever. Then the Vet accused me of having poison out where Gracie had gotten into it.

I asked the Angels for help. They reminded me that I had heard the Oncologist that had helped heal Lucie was back in town. I called her, and the assistant said she’d fit me in between clients. I ran Gracie to the Oncologists, knowing I would trust her findings.

After the workup, I was told that Gracie had a tumor in her gastrointestinal tract that had burst. She also had two metastatic the liver. Meanwhile, she was still occasionally bleeding. The Oncologist told me that it was one of two cancers, one was untreatable, the other had a 50% chance of living a year with chemotherapy. Both Tumors would have to be biopsied before treatment. Then it wasn’t certain the bleeding would stop. I had to decide what I wanted to do.

In my mind’s eye, Spike came to me, saying again, “You never let anyone die”. I thought of Lucie, how she had been sick for two years, the sleepless nights, the times I went to work not knowing if she would be alive when I came home.

Then I thought about the looks Lucie gave me, that she felt horrible. The fact that she couldn’t walk more than a few feet, the trouble with her bowels, and how much that embarrassed her. I thought about the fact that Gracie was still passing blood, it wasn’t stopping.

I thought of how Spike was feeling now, in Heaven. Sheer bliss. Amazing. No pain. Just happiness. How many times had I felt animals in that bliss? Thousands.

Then I tuned in with how Gracie felt. She didn’t even feel good enough to lift her head, or try to show me that she felt okay. I could feel her ebbing away. It seemed peaceful. (I say this now, but at the time I was crying big gulping sobs. I couldn’t even talk; I was so distraught.).

I thought of taking Gracie to chemo every week. Of having her feel, the way, she was feeling now for days on end. Of one year of suffering after ten gloriously happy life filled years. I didn’t want to remember her that way. I knew she would be coming back to me, that I couldn’t keep her spirit away from me. I knew that she would always be connected to me on the psychic plane, much happier when not connected to a diseased body.

I decided to let her go. The Vet gave her a sedative, and she passed. I had Lucie with me, because I went home to get her so she could be present. After my last dog Patsy died so suddenly, I got two because I didn’t ever want to be without a dog again.

We got in the car, and Apple Music came on to a John Prine song.” Fish and Whistle, Whistle and fish, eat everything you put on your dish, then when you get up, you’re going to do it again, again.”

Guilt wracked thru my body. Gracie had snapped at a foster kitten the year before, and I was hard on her about it. I was scared that she might kill a kitten, and really strict with her after that. I felt retched for it. I had treated Gracie better than I had my last 2 dogs, and still, when all was said and done, my feeling was I should have treated her better. That now I never had another chance to treat her better.

I felt like I had raised a child only to have it die of cancer instead of making it to adulthood. When you have had a pet be part of your life, whether for a few months or over a decade, it leaves a gaping hole.

My heart broke wide open again that day. Like it does when I lose a deep friend from this mortal world. My heart is bigger than it was before Gracie, and will heal even larger. I will honor her memory, by being more loving to all dogs. I rejoice because I knew her, that we got to spend ten years together. I am a better person because I loved her and let her deeply love me.

I still haven’t gotten another dog. I tell myself I will “know” when the right one comes along. I have started taking my cat Samson with Lucie and I when we go out. I tell myself that Sam can be Lucie’s friend, she doesn’t need another dog, yet I know this isn’t really true. I am also waiting for the nudge from the Angels, the foreshadowing they will send me of Gracie coming back.

A month before Elvis (my cat) came to me, I did a ceramic plate of a Tuxedo cat with its tail around a heart. That was Elvis, and the heart was mine, though I didn’t realize it! Then one day I was getting ready for a show & Elvis was laying in front of the plate-it looked exactly like him!

That is the thing. If you let go of the clinging, you move forward to experience the synchronicity of the Universe, the magic that happens because the Universe supports us. I have lost Elvis, but I now have Samson. Sam is the cat I need for my spiritual development now. He is the most telepathic cat I have ever experienced. He is as handsome as Elvis, but he is okay with leaving the house. Sam and I are a team together. We are committed to educating people about the need for foster homes for kittens.Samson wants to prove that a shelter cat can do anything a high-class cat can do.

Since Gracie has been gone, it has taught me to treasure Lucie. We added two days a week to our therapy dog schedule. Samson comes with, and is sitting in the front seat with Lucie just like Gracie did.

I think about driving to pet therapy at Cornerstone Hospital. I have two beautiful animals sharing my front seat, happy to be on a ride, looking forward to meeting people. While I grieve the loss of Elvis & Gracie, I know they are in heaven, happy. I know the two beside me are happy, and will be happier if I am totally present, instead of being sad for something that happened in the past.

Add to that the knowledge that we are always connected to what we love. That is why I have found lost pets in Australia, England and Canada on the phone in my house in Tucson. On the psychic plane, there is no distance. Even from heaven, Elvis & Gracie can be with me at the speed of thought. I still miss their bodies, there being around all the time. But I also smile, knowing that they just might reappear as a cute puppy or a tuxedo kitten, one that comes up to me immediately begging me to take him back home.