Do you own your own power? Do you even know what that means? I am going to give you a few examples of what that looks like, and you can then ask me questions below if you have them.
MOST of us (If not all) have what I call soul contracts and what I call core belief systems. A core belief system that was passed down to me from my mother created several experiences in my life, and would have probably continued giving me trouble until I changed the belief myself. Most of you know I grew up on a farm. The family farm was two hours outside of Chicago, so every morning we listened to Chicago news. There were always stories of someone stopping and asking for directions, and then proceeding to get assaulted or even killed. Our own communities that we lived near were totally white. In fact, we were a minority in my home town because most of the town were people from the Netherlands, and being German we were a minority. I was nineteen before I met a black person, and it was not until Graduate School that I was friends with one. I went to undergraduate in Platteville, Wisconsin, and that also was incredibly white. I should add that my parents were also afraid of driving in a big town, and it was stressful for them to even drive in the Quad Cities, an area that was 45 minutes away with multiple stop lights and 4 lane roads.
Let me explain that not owning your power is equivalent to being a victim. No matter how much it seems like someone did something bad to you randomly, you always have a part in it, even if it is just manifesting a belief system that came to you from your heritage.
The first time I was robbed by a black man, was in a dance establishment in San Francisco in the eighties. I had come there with my purse, and wanted to dance. I asked the two male friends I was with if they would hold my purse, and being homophobic straight males that they were at the time, they both said no. So I took off my sweater and put it over my purse and put it under a chair. Then I proceeded to the dance floor where I started dancing while still having a view of the chair my purse was under.
I saw a black man sit in the chair my purse was under. So I watched him, knowing that he couldn’t tell he was being watched because I was deep on the dance floor. After I danced a few dances, I saw him sit back, and his feet went under the chair. I saw his eyes widen. I knew he had felt my purse. The next thing I knew he put HIS jacket under the chair. He then proceeded to get up, with his jacket in his arms, he did a nine-block motion. I KNEW he had my purse.
I rushed off the dance floor, following him. The place was packed, and it was large. I caught up with him in the hallway about 8 feet away from the exit. I tapped him on the shoulder saying, “Excuse me, you have something of mine.” He replied; “no, I don’t” and turned his back to me. I came up and lifted his jacket, to see my purse underneath. (I had just gone through losing a credit card and knew the hassle of having to get all new ID’s, etc., I wasn’t going to do that again willingly). So I grabbed my purse from him, and made my way back to my friends.
One of my friends was a police officer, and he was positive that the guy needed to be arrested. I was told he might be a serial offender, that he could have prior charges he was wanted on. My friend told the doormen what had happened. They scoured the place, to find the guy hiding in the bathroom. The cops had been called, and they arrested him. However they told me that if I was not in town to testify at his hearing they would have to let him go. They agreed that it was good to take him in, to see if he had any priors. That was the end of that.
The next incident was when I flew into O’hare airport with a boyfriend and rented a car. It had been the red-eye, and we got in around midnight. I had gotten used to flying into Chicago and renting a car, I had almost lost the paralyzing fear of the town my parents had thrust upon me. My boyfriend and I got on a bus to take us to our rental car. When we got on the bus, the bus driver said; “There were three of you, where did the other guy go?” I said there had only ever been two of us. The Avis bus driver then said: “check to see if you have your wallet.” I didn’t.
The bus driver informed me that the only way the guy could get out of the airport was on the L. He had me run down to the platform while he parked the bus, the police had stopped the L, and the train was sitting there. A police man escorted me on the train, to try to identify the black guy the bus driver had seen. I looked at several black men, wondering if I was racist for even thinking one of them had robbed me.( I hadn’t seen the man, but the black bus driver had told me it was a black guy.). A few of the men were old, and I didn’t think they had done it. That left a guy in a button down shirt and tie, and a few others. I had just decided that the Tie guy hadn’t done it, when the bus
driver arrived and pointed at him saying; “He’s the one!”
Turns out the guy had an ankle monitor on, and was on house arrest from the Cook county jail. I spent four hours (we made it to my parent’s house at dawn) looking in the garbage cans at the airport trying to find my wallet. The guy didn’t have my wallet on him, though he did have $500 on him, the exact amount of cash I had had in my wallet. I also found that he took my expensive sunglasses, which almost pissed me off more. I was taken to the police station inside of O’hare airport. The culprit gave a false name because no priors were coming up when the police entered his name.
Back home in Tucson, I spent the next two weeks getting new ID and credit cards. A postage due notice came to me, and I ignored it. Weeks later I went to the Post Office. The postage overdue was my wallet. Apparently the thief had left it on the train when I was trying to discern which of the black men had lifted it. Someone on the L had been extremely honest- my license and credit cards were all there. Not that it mattered much, because I had just gotten them all replaced.
The third incidence hurt me the worst. I was at a function for the Pharma company I was working for, and they had RENTED OUT the house of blues in Chicago. They had invited Doctors who were key customers, and we were having a great time. Bar time came and every one crowded the exit at once. We were packed in like sardines. Someone behind us said: “STOP, I lost a contact!” I looked down to look for it. Then a black man barged in between me and my work partner, shoving us and running out of the exit. My work partner exclaimed: “Wow! The way he bumped me, I am lucky I still have my wallet!” When he said that
my heart dropped. I checked to see if I had my wallet, which of course I didn’t.
At the time, I was a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon do. So I too, ran out of the exit, and could see the man a few blocks ahead of me. I was running as fast as I could, but he was too, and I didn’t make any progress on him. After about 5 blocks he met another black man, did a handoff to him, and then started walking. The second man took off like a bat out of hell, towards a waiting BMW parked a few blocks away. This was all downhill so I saw everything. I walked up to my assailant, even though I knew in my heart his friend had my wallet. I patted the guy down, and to my chagrin he got aroused from me frisking him. I had a strong intuition of fear that passed though me to not approach both of them in the car. (This was accurate, because two days later they pulled a gun on a security guard at Marshall Fields.).
Even though I cancelled everything, they had my driver’s license and must have put a new picture in it, because they rented a car in my name and kept it. They went to Sam’s club and opened up an account, then they had two photo id’s. They opened up all the store credit cards, maxed them out and sent the card to me. It ended up being over $100,000 they stole plus the car. Last time I did a credit review, their address in Chicago was still on my credit report. I had to switch banks to keep them from getting more money out of my account.
The last incident happened in Denver. I was exhibiting at an ISEEM conference, which was about linking science with intuition. It was a three-day event. Usually when I do these events, I ask someone to watch my booth when I go to the bathroom, but this was a conference that I didn’t think had a high crime risk- it was spiritual people. I went to the bathroom on the second day, to come back and see a Latino man taking my wallet out of my purse that was under my display table. Like the incident in Chicago, I gave pursuit. Two other women joined me. We lost track of him, then found him again then chased him though the intersection.
A good Samaritan saw us chasing him, got out of his truck and tackled the guy when he was in the crosswalk. The man had $500 dollars on him, the same amount I had had in my wallet. But my wallet was no-where to be seen. I spent that night and most of the next day looking for it, but came up short. I met with the hotel’s security who was a retired cop and kept referring to me as a victim. Of course the hotel didn’t have any cameras in the hallways or parking lots, and it was my fault that I had allowed myself to be robbed. The security guard even made a pass at me (She is a victim, no harm in victimizing her again is there?).
I bristled at the thought of being called a victim. By now, I was keeping my credit cards in a pocket in my purse, so I had credit cards to drive home to Tucson with. I also was far enough down my spiritual path to know that me getting robbed and attacked by minority men in big cities wasn’t a random event. With my Masters I had to take 24 credits of statistics. I don’t remember a lot from those classes, but I do know that the possibility of these robberies happening to me randomly was extremely rare. So I got introspective. I thought about what I believed and what my parents believed. I wasn’t afraid of minority men (any more than I was afraid of any man who gave off bad vibes), but I knew that it was a core belief of my mother’s. When the Angels looked at it, they told me that I had absorbed this belief from her whole, and to have different experiences I would have had to change the belief within myself, which is what I immediately did. I changed that core belief to I am safe around all men, and my possessions stay with me. I haven’t had an incident since then, and it has been over twenty years now.
I bring this up because looking at these events randomly, most people would say that I couldn’t POSSIBLY have a part in these incidents happening to me. You can’t control what other people do right? Yet I HAD created it. You see, core belief systems function like rules in our lives, they are operating systems just like the software in our computers. If you have that rules, then that stuff is possible, even probable to happen to you. It isn’t random. You are calling it forth. It is the same thing that you attract what you fear. I used to think that we called it to us, because we feared it, but I now know that it is within the thought forms we have that rule our reality. So when I changed that core belief system, I took my power back. I saw how I was contributing to these events, and took away the reason they were happening. I know some of you may not believe this. If you can, don’t deny it, but sit with it awhile and just say that it might be possible.
To some of you, the above stories are confirmation to stuff that you have been realizing. That we create our own reality, the Universe is not random, and we have to take responsibility for the beliefs we have. Any questions?
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Enjoy, Ann
I have had repeated bad experiences with my career. Similar to your story, I have had serial job crises that I suspect may be related to my own fears and core beliefs. How can I shake this belief that I am stuck in a cycle of self-fulfilled prophecy?