One place that spirituality and psychology overlap is on the subject of a shadow side. While Jungian therapy looks at transforming the shadow side into something healthier, spiritual teachings like the Pathwork talk of transforming your shadow side into something that you accept. That every part of us is filled with gorgeous life-changing energy, and if we shut ourselves off from a part of ourselves, no matter how disgusting we think it is, we are not complete. We also will either let our shadow side come out in ways we do not want, project it on to others who don’t deserve it, or do both.
Have you ever had someone start cussing you out, and while they are talking you become totally confused? The things that they are accusing you of are actually things that you would attribute to them. You feel like you might be losing your mind because they are calling you out on stuff that you have never done. This is because, for that person, you are a mirror, a blank screen on which they project the faults that they have and do not claim.
Growing up, nothing was ever my father’s fault or God’s fault for that matter. Everything came down to either being my fault or my mother’s fault. Even as a child, I knew that his logic was faulty, but I wasn’t in a place where I could comprehend it differently.
“Help me love the part of myself I hate when I look at you” Doreen Virtue.
Many people are like my father. They don’t own their shadow side, the parts of themselves that aren’t what they want them to be. Instead, they project those traits onto other people. We will talk more about projection later. It took me a while to get my mind around it. However, right now in this country, we have a President who has a PhD in projection. That may be his legacy- that we understand projection and mental issues better because they have been shown to us on the national stage.
Think of the belief that we are all one, there is no other. Therefore, anything that exists in someone else, it exists in you too. One of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s statements reinforces this: “we all have a mother Teresa and a Hitler inside of us. If we didn’t we couldn’t comprehend what they do.”
The Angels have shown me why we project on to others. You see there are habits and beliefs we have that we don’t accept as part of us. That is why it is called the “Shadow Side”. When we go thru our chakra’s and boundaries, those habits have to be OUTSIDE of the picture we are protecting and thinking we are getting away with. That information has to stay on the outside. Then if someone is close to you, (either in real-time or from a distance) that shadow gets projected on to them.
This is why when someone says that they see something in you, that you would have said about THEM, and it doesn’t fit you at all. You feel like you’re going a little crazy; why can’t that person see how they are being?
If you are blaming someone for something, ask yourself the question, “What is my part in this?” because there always is one. I learned this showing horses. If I made the mistake we had done the horses fault, I could be vindicated and walk away from the one who “hadn’t done anything wrong”. However, that also meant that I was perfect and the horse had to change. I couldn’t get the horse to change, because they were supposedly a “dumb animal” (this was before I was an animal intuitive). So we never got better at anything.
Then I changed my approach. I decided to take responsibility for my actions. That I would practice getting better at what I was doing, and never blame my horse. A miracle happened when I did this; my horse got better! My horse changed their behavior!
Now, with what I know about manifesting by just THINKING of something, I know that I play a part in creating outcomes just by what I am thinking & creating in the situation. When I was younger I would not have thought that possible. Maybe you still don’t think it is possible.
So I challenge you. The next time you are upset with someone, instead of laying into them and making them the wrong person, the one who is incompetent, take a deep breath. Ask yourself what is your part in this. What can you do differently if you are responsible? Why are you so upset about this? Any anger that lasts for more than 20 seconds is OLD ANGER- it isn’t happening in real-time, it is anger from earlier in your life that has not been resolved.
We are in an incredibly stressful time right now, with the pandemic and the economy in uncertain times. That makes it a great time to take responsibility for our actions. To reclaim more of our aliveness by owning our shadow side, exploring it and becoming comfortable with all of who we are.
This is a big topic so if you have any questions, I would love to hear them!
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