Everyone feels it, even if you are a saint. Like Depak Chopra says, If you have a physical body, you are not evolved totally, and still have your dark side. My father was a Rager. That means that when he had a flat tire, a hog got out, the cattle didn’t want to do what they were supposed to, he would go off on a tangent, screaming and shouting, throwing stuff around. When I was small, I was afraid his head was going to blow off, explode like heads did in the cartoons.
So I, like many people today, did not have an appropriate roll model for becoming angry. I knew I did not want to do what my father did. I found that anger its self is not bad, it just means that you are not getting something you want or need. It is like someone steps on your foot, and you have to say, ‘hey, get off, that hurts!”
A very destructive part of anger is that if it does not move forward, and thru your body, it becomes stuck, which then becomes depression. Many women have this, because they were taught it wasn’t ladylike to be angry or mad.
My golden rule about anger is that I do not interact with the animals from that angry place. Horses feel anger immediately, and usually respond by going into a fear zone. This is critical if you are riding, jumping or even leading your horse, because you actually are putting yourself at risk: the horse’s fear often time over rides the training that the horse has had.
What may not be instantly apparent, is even if you are angry in any way, just walking in the barn will change what experience your animals are having. I had a gigantic argument with the people I had purchased my horse from, an issue that had nothing to do with the animals in my current barn, it was about transporting a horse in training with them. I was furious, and hung up on those people. Then I went to the barn and fed my horses hay. Mike, my horse from these people, noticed immediately that I was different, and started nervously eating Bermuda hay. I had always thought of Bermuda hay as harmless, and had a ton of it under the roof next to the barn. Mike used his extra-long neck to pull out a bale, and proceeded to chomp on it through out the night. The next morning I had work, so I threw hay in the horses feeders quickly, and took off, not wanting to be late. That night, when I came back out to feed, Mike was laying in the stall, flat out, drenched in sweat.
I could go into the story, but what I want to share is that Mike was so uncomfortable with my anger, He started to nervous-eat, then pulled hay in from the storage to continue. I did not know that my energetic mood would have that much impact on him.
Do you know? Do you know what you have created with your anger? Anger should be felt, released, and it is gone. Anger ideally should never hurt someone in any way, physically or emotionally. Many people think as long as they are not physically hurting someone, anger is okay directed at another person. For example, Sarcasm is hidden anger. It comes from people who do not feel comfortable sharing their feelings or have no power to change the situation. If you call these people on their sarcastic anger, they say, “whats a matter ? Cant take a joke” So you get victimized again.
Honor yourself and your animals by knowing when you are angry and expressing it in a constructive non-damaging way. When you are mad, get off your horse & try again the next day.
What are the ways you handle your anger? I am looking forward to your comments & suggestions on how to react without being violent- still getting your needs met. Any anger that lasts for more than 30 seconds is anger attached to older experiences. Do you acknowledge that? Let me know!
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