Procrastination. OR: Why Don’t I Have Done What I Meant To Do Over The Holidays?

Procrastination. I know you have done this, because I do it all the time, and I used to be the most driven, workaholic overachiever that I knew or had ever read about. Yet, I put things I did not want to do off. Yes, I would start the day with the item on the top of my list, and end the day with everything but that activity crossed off.

The reason for avoidance depends on the issue. My first year in pharmaceuticals, when I looked at the paperwork I had been late on, it was cases where I had to tell some type of “white lie” (In order to keep your job with the pharmaceutical companies, you MUST see a specific number of doctors, pharmacies and hospitals; it doesn’t matter if hurricane Katrina is hitting your home). The paperwork must be done, the quotas met. IF not you were at risk of being put on “warning”. If sales were not stellar, the paperwork needed to be perfect.

I put off things I don’t want to do, even if it will bring me money, fortune and fame. I don’t like to talk to people who are going to be mean to me (although that is what my sales career consisted of), I don’t like to beg someone for money they already owe me (like I borrowed it from them or something), I do not like to have to lie (though in corporate America I was well versed in slanting the truth). I shun the phone at times, and usually have a full answering machine to prove it. I can be very insecure about my art, and like to act like I have no needs, which is ridiculous, because I am a living human being.

I am on a self-actualizing path, and know that our belief systems create our reality and our subconscious beliefs. I am sharing my truth here, some which is not too pleasant. However, I must first examine my belief system to change it. I also have found that it would be great if I gave myself a break– not necessarily off the hook, but to realize that I protect myself from over-extension by not clearing the answering machine, and that that might be a good thing. That asking people that owe me money to pay me is EXACTLY what needs to happen to honor myself, and if I can’t do it I need to give that job to someone else.

Undone projects weigh us down, draining energy from us. The ironic thing is, that this stuff HAS TO BE DONE, and so by putting it off we rob ourselves of energy, lower our self esteem, and allow opportunities to pass us by. Working for and by myself, I realize that I need to be the compassionate but firm manager: not letting myself off the hook for obligations & projects that need to be done, but also delegating these issues I am not good at or don’t enjoy.

At times I have done a horrible job managing my own “dream” career. My family of origin did not believe what I do as an intuitive was possible. The year I graduated from college, my mother informed me that I needed to get a “real job” and give up this nonsense of creating art. Needless to say, the support for what I do today has to come from me re-parenting myself and changing subconscious beliefs about what I am capable of. To look under the surface of procrastination and see why I am less than anxious to do whatever task may be on the table. Just as with other people, the most loving answer is the key to transforming the situation.

Where do you procrastinate? What is it that always seems to be put off, to be just outside your grasp? What is the most loving respectful, way you see to change the situation? Can you see how the subconscious is morphing the task? Where did that belief or feeling come from? Remember, there is no “have-to’s”: just more knowledge of why you act the way you do, knowledge that makes it possible to chose a different experience.

“All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.” — Simon and Garfunkel, “The Boxer”

“Don’t pee on my leg & tell me it’s raining.” Dr. Phil